Stories and Jokes

This blog is for stories of how some of our Universal Life Church ministers are using their ministries and also a collection of amusing and clean religious jokes to make you smile.

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Sunday, February 27, 2011

Universal Life Church



VIEWING THE PAINTING

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

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As a longtime member of ULC, we created the seminary site to help train our ministers and our site has created a great ULC Forum. We also have a huge catalog of Universal Life Church materials and some outstanding online seminary courses. As an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church for many years and it's Seminary since the beginning, I've enjoyed watching the continual growth of the seminary.

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Friday, February 25, 2011

Universal Life Church

Universal Life Church



A THEORY OF CREATION 

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."

The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."

And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."

And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."

And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grand children.

*******************************
The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have classes in Christianity, Wicca, Paganism, two courses in Metaphysics and much more. I have been a proud member of the ULC for many years and the Seminary since its inception.
The Universal Life Church offers handfasting ceremonies, funeral ceremonies and free minister training.
As a long time member of ULC, Rev. Long created the seminary site to help train our ministers. We also have a huge selection of Universal Life Church  minister supplies. Since being ordained with the Universal Life Church for so many years and it's Seminary since the beginning, I've watch the huge change and growth that has continued to happen.
Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Universal Life Church

I am Wiccan and I have been practicing for 8 years now.  A circle sister of mine told me that the only two kinds of people allowed to put their hands on people without liability were ministers and doctors.  She was studying Reiki, and she becamed ordained through the ULC.  I had never thought that Wiccans without a connection to one of the few churches that were officially recognized by the U.S. governement could be given the legal status of a minister.  So, I checked out ULC, and decided to go ahead with becoming a minister.  I did not want social issues with Wicca to limit my ability to help people.  I have performed several handfastings (Wiccan weddings) and I have counselled several people as well. 
 
My largest project is The Firefly Academy of Wicca and Witchcraft.  It is an online community where Wiccans can come to learn and share their knoweledge.  We offer 20 classes as of now.  Many of us do not have the resources to join with others, and the Firefly project is meant to be the next closest thing to a physical circle.  Students are encouraged to learn, but as they learn, grow in ways that they become mentors and guides for new students as well.  It is all part of the give-and-take cycle of life.  I have written a book for my students, and most of our lessons are available in written form, as well as audio files.  Our next expansion will take us into the realm of video very, very soon. 
 
Many Blessings,
 
Rev. Rebecca Baldwin

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Universal Life Church



Life in the Old Dog yet…
This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you."

The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.

With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."

A WORRIED FATHER
A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive barmitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"

"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."

"What did you do?" asked the father.

"I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi.

"And what did he say?" pressed the father.

"God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "


*******************************
The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have classes in Christianity, Wicca, Paganism, two courses in Metaphysics and much more. I have been a proud member of the ULC for many years and the Seminary since its inception.
The Universal Life Church offers handfasting ceremonies, funeral ceremonies and free minister training.
As a long time member of ULC, Rev. Long created the seminary site to help train our ministers. We also have a huge selection of Universal Life Church  minister supplies. Since being ordained with the Universal Life Church for so many years and it's Seminary since the beginning, I've watch the huge change and growth that has continued to happen.
Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Universal Life Church


Are You Jesus?

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago .  They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner.
In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples.  Apples flew everywhere.  Without stopping or looking
Back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missed boarding ...  ALL BUT ONE !!!

He paused, took a deep breath, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned.  He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight.  Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor.
He was glad he did.
The 16 year old girl was totally blind!  She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her, no one stopping and no one to care for her plight.
The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display.  As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket.
When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, "Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did.  Are you okay?"
She nodded through her tears.  He continued on with, "I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly."
As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, "Mister......."  He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes.  She continued, "Are you Jesus?"
He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered.  Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: 'Are you Jesus?'
Do people mistake you for Jesus?
That's our Destiny, is it not?  To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace.
If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would.  Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church.  It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day.
You are the apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall.  He stopped what He was doing and picked you and me up on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.
Please share this.  Sometimes we just take things for granted, when we really need to be sharing what we know....Thanks.
TOO MANY CHRISTIANS ARE NO LONGER 'FISHERS OF MEN' BUT INSTEAD, 'KEEPERS OF THE AQUARIUM'.

GOD BLESS YOU, YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS...

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.


The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Universal Life Church

A little Biblical humor to start or end the day!

What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?


Ruthless


What do they call pastors in Germany ? German Shepherds.

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
The Pharaoh's daughter.. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a Little prophet.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.  David's Triumph was heard throughout the land, and probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.


Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.


Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
The area around  Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.


Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.


Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun.


Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.

PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'

KEEP SMILING!!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND! BUNCHES!!!!
Friends are God's way of taking care of us.
 


What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?

 Ruthless

What do they call pastors in Germany ? German Shepherds.

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
The Pharaoh's daughter.. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a Little prophet.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.  David's Triumph was heard throughout the land, and probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
 

Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
The area around  Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.


Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.


Which Bible character had no parents? 

Joshua, son of Nun.


Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.

PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'

KEEP SMILING!!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND! BUNCHES!!!!
Friends are God's way of taking care of us.

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Universal Life Church


 A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What Denomination?" Asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman.
"Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic!
 

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night.
' What's wrong ?' asked his mother.
Do people really come from dust, like they said in church ? he sobbed.
'In a way they do,' said his mother.
' And when they die do the turn back to dust ?'.
'Yes, they do.' The little boy began to cry again.
' Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going !'


A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class.
He wrote on his paper, "The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife.
This is called polygamy.
But we believe in having only one wife.
This is called monotony"


*******************************
The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have classes in Christianity, Wicca, Paganism, two courses in Metaphysics and much more. I have been a proud member of the ULC for many years and the Seminary since its inception.
The Universal Life Church offers handfasting ceremonies, funeral ceremonies and free minister training.
As a long time member of ULC, Rev. Long created the seminary site to help train our ministers. We also have a huge selection of Universal Life Church  minister supplies. Since being ordained with the Universal Life Church for so many years and it's Seminary since the beginning, I've watch the huge change and growth that has continued to happen.
Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Friday, February 18, 2011

Universal Life Church

I think that's a great idea to collect stories from your ministers and publish them. 
 
Mine may be unique... I'm a legal assistant (aka paralegal) with my own legal document prep shop.  My specialty is divorce.  I had many customers walk in with their future spouse's asking if - after I finish their divorce from their current spouse - I could marry them with their future spouse!  Once I became ordained, I was able to do just that!  So now I offer both dvorce & marriage to my clients. 
 
While offering both, clients caught wind of the fact that I can do marriages... and that part of the business started to grow!  This summer while divorce takes a breather (as it usually does in the summer), marriages took off!  I've been doing more marriages than I ever imagined.  Marriages are a lot better to do, all that positive energy radiating from the couple!  Its a sheer pleasure!  Of course, there's the flip side too... I've had copules - one in particular - who've been living together for over 8 years... they came into my office to get married (I do a lot of in-office weddings too), but then wanted a divorce just two days later.  I guess that goes to show that marriage is not for everyone... this particular couple would probably still be together if they weren't married.
 
Overall, what started as an extra service for my divorce clients (being able to marry them after knowing what they've been through with their divorces and helping them go through it) has turned into a 2nd business! 
 
Its soooo amazing that all it takes is someone (like you or I) with the willingness, desire, and the ability to perform marriages and the rewards are so great!  The joy, the respect, the appreciation is beyond words.  Its something that can be felt as well as seen.  Sure, my divorce clients appreciate the help in this hard time of their life, but to also get them started on their new path with someone anew - priceless!

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Kind Words

You have been "GREAT"!!! Thanks so much....I look forward to many years of service with the support from ULC! This has been a great experience! THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Brian 

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free,  and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use.  We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Universal Life Church


Rev. Amy, thanks again for your many messages of encouragement. Thought you would like to see the following list someone sent me. Keep up the good work. Namasté, Helen

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when  in trouble; it is a "steering wheel" that directs us in the right path throughout life.

2] Do you know why a car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the rear view mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE.  So, look ahead and move on.

3]  Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

4]  All things in life are temporary.  If going well enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong don't worry, they can't last long either.

5] Old friends are like Gold!  New friends are Diamonds!  If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold!  Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a base of Gold!

6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax,  sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in  your abilities.

8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your  vision."

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them; and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES; it takes away today's PEACE

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Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life ChurchSeminary. for many years and am proud to have started the


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Universal Life Church

Where did Piss Poor come from?
Interesting History....Legend?


They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee
in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery . If you
had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor".

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford
to buy a pot . They "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of
the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water
temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to
be. Here are some facts about the 1500s....

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in
May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they
were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the
body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting
married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house
had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and
men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By
then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence
the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw - piled high, with no wood
underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the
cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it
rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall
off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed
a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess
up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung
over the top afforded some protection. That's how the "Canopy Bed" came
into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would
get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on
floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more
thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping
outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: "A
thresh hold."

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that
always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things
to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They
would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold
overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in
it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: "Peas
porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days
old." Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite
special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show
off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon."
They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit
around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content
caused some of the lead to leach onto the food causing lead poisoning
death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years
or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of
the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the
"upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would
sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking
along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.
They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the
family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they
would wake up. Hence the custom of "holding a wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of
places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the
bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these
coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the
inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they
would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the
coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would
have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to
listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was
considered "a dead ringer."




*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Universal Life Church

IT'S WHAT YOU SCATTER
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes... I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.


Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.


'Hello Barry, how are you today?'


'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'


'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'

'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'
'Good. Anything I can help you with?'
'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'
'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller.

'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'

'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'

'All I got's my prize marble here.'


'Is that right? Let me see it', said Miller.


'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'


'I can see that. Hmm mmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked.


'Not zackley but almost.'

'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'. Mr. Miller told the boy.

'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'


Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.

With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever.


When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'


I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.


Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one.  Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.


Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket.


Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one; each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.


Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.

They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt.'


'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho ..'


With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral:
We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.


Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself...


An unexpected phone call from an old friend.... Green stoplights on your way to work....


The fastest line at the grocery store....


A good sing-along song on the radio...


Your keys found right where you left them.


IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED!


To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.
 

Friday, February 11, 2011

Universal Life Church

I had the dubious honor of performing my first wedding in my new community this month.  Absolutely a smashing success!!! 
(And thanks Amy. for the book of books that Brides2B can not do without!) 

My happenstance road to this wedding was through one of our local bars where I play horseshoes every thursday evening.  After
a good round of shoes, our team was introduced to one of our teammates niece and fiance inside the bar.  We all have
nicknames for each other, and mine happens to be Jumbo.  Anyway, we listened to our team mate banter back and forth with
his
niece and fiance about when she was going to find / get someone to "hitch 'em up."  I heard the long drawn out story of how they
looked, and "couldn't find anyone to marry us" in a neighboring town a few miles away. 

Seeing first hand that this couple was obviously in love, and committed to each other, I (in my slightly intoxicated state) simply
stated that I would be honored and available to marry them if they were interested in having me do it.  Guffaws of boisterous
woodsmen surrounded me after _that_ comment, and I'm sure that I fumbled with my words as I calmly restated that I actually
could perform the ceremony for them if they wished it.  They agreed, we shook hands, and off we went to have some bar
conversations of the whys and how's of making this happen.  And that's how I became their Reverend Jumbo.  :)

Needless to say, it came off wonderfully.  Things were well planned and executed with a sincere and simply beauty that I hadn't
seen in eons.  A gorgeous bride, handsome groom, and to my amazement... nearly 350 people at this wedding.  A small town in
rural America, a big wedding for it's population, and a wonderful piece of "Americana" happened that day.  I am so humbled and
honored to have been the minister who officiated at this event.

I've now picked up a tentative "snowmobile trail" wedding, a "western themed" wedding,  and a request for someones eulogy at
the appropriate time.   Don't ya love it when life happens the right way!

Rev. Jim "Jumbo" Lillis

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Friday, February 4, 2011

Universal Life Church


Subject: WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
 
What would you do? You make the choice!  Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one! Read it anyway. The question is:  Would you have made the same choice?
 
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection.  Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do.  He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."  Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.  Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"
 
Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
 
Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much.  The boy looked around for guidance and a few boys nodded approval, why not?  So he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the
ninth inning."
 
Shay struggled over to the team's bench, put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted.
 
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.  In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.
 
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.  Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
 
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
 
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.  Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.  However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.
 
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.  The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.  As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
 
The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.  Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.  Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman,
out of reach of all team mates.  Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!"  Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but he made it to first base.
 
He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.  Everyone yelled, Run to second, run to second!!"  Catching his breath, Shayawkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base.
 
By the time Shay started towards second base, the right fielder had theball   the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time.  He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions,
and he too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.
 
Shay ran toward second base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.  All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay."
 
As Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, shouting, "Run to third, Shay! Run to third!"
 
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching wereon their feet, screaming, "Shay, run home!"
 
Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero whohit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.
 
"That day," said the father softly, with tears now rolling down hisface, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."
 
Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.


Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.


The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.




Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar