Universal Life Church

 There once was a little girl who had a bad temper.  Her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence.  Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the
number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the girl didn't lose her temper at all.  She told her mother about it and the mother suggested that
the girl now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper.  The day passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone.

The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence.  She said, "You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one." You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.

Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

 

Universal Life Church

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," St. Peter replied. "This is Heaven."

Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home bordered. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?" St. Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part, you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick either. This is, after all, Heaven." With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

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Ordain yourself with the Universal Life Church, for Free, for Life, right now, use the Free Online Ordination, button -- Click the link!

As a longtime member of ULC, we created the seminary site to help train our ministers and our site has created a great ULC Forum. We also have a huge catalog of Universal Life Church materials and some outstanding online seminary courses. As an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church for many years and it's Seminary since the beginning, I've enjoyed watching the continual growth of the seminary.

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Universal Life Church

In March of 1976, I became ordained through the Church of Gospel Ministry Inc., Chula Vista CA.,  In October of 1979, I left Maine for parts unknown.  In my travels I finally decided to go to the Main Church Headquarters in Chula Vista.  Fully knowing I didn't have enough money to get far, but I had faith that the Lord would take care of me.  I left Maine with $50.00 in my pocket.  Needless to say $50.00 didn't get me too far.  I got as far as Youngstown Ohio on my $50.00.  I had a good local minister who told me if I needed money to call him collect he'd wire me money.  He wired me money but he told me I had to come home with the money.  Needless to say, I agreed, but reluctantly had other plans.  Upon arrival in Youngstown I was completely out of money, and was scared to death not knowing what I was going to do.  I went to the local Salvation Army in Youngstown, they offered me food to eat but that wasn't gonna help me.  I needed monetary help not food.  I was scared and I prayed alot and cried alot too.  Finally I looked in the local telephone directory and came across a ministers name that I had no Idea whatsoever that he'd help but he did.  He came to the place where I was and met me.  First off he proceeded to take me to the local gas station and fill my car with gas and oil.  He then had me proceed to follow him across town, he said the church has an account across town, follow me there.  I followed him, we pulled into a Best Western Motel, he said wait here, he then came out and passed me the daily paper.  He asked me "are you hungry"?  I did not know him and he did not know me either, across the motel parking lot there was a resturant he took me there and ordered me dinner.  When I was about 1/2 way done my dinner, he said I have to go, my first thought was oh no am I going to jail?  I asked him who was going to pay my bill?  He said your bill is taken care of as is your room at the motel too and you will stay here as our guest untill Monday.  On Sunday morning I proceeded to go to his Church Service.  His congregation was so large they had to have Church in a local auditorium not in a church building.  At that curch service, he explained to the congregation how he helped a young man in need, and put me up at a motel at the churches expence, and explained the reason I was going to California in the first place.  I had faith that the Lord was going to take care of me and he did.  That Faithful Sunday morning, the pastor told the congregation what was happening, people started coming fourth with monetary contributions for me to continue on my journey.  They contributed exactly enough finances to get me to my destination in California.

Dr. Bruce Wotton,D.D.

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.

Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

 

Unversal Life Church

Where is my paper?

For all of us who are---seniors---
for all of you who know seniors---
and for all of you who will be seniors.

It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are a senior!

The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

'Ma'am, said the employee, today is Saturday.The Sunday paper is not delivered 'til Sunday.'

There was quite a pause on the other end
of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition.

'So that's why no one was in church today.'

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Ordain yourself with the Universal Life Church, for Free, for Life, right now, use the Free Online Ordination, button -- Click the link!

As a longtime member of ULC, we created the seminary site to help train our ministers and our site has created a great ULC Forum. We also have a huge catalog of Universal Life Church materials and some outstanding online seminary courses. As an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church for many years and it's Seminary since the beginning, I've enjoyed watching the continual growth of the seminary.

Try our new free toolbar at: http://ULCSeminary.OurToolbar.com/

Universal Life Church

Saying Grace In A Restaurant Last week, I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!" Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!" Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?" As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my son asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes." Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already." I love this story! Please keep it moving. Sometimes, we all need some ice cream. I hope God sends you some Ice Cream today!

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.

Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

 

Universal Life Church

A Special Hymm

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon; with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

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Ordain yourself with the Universal Life Church, for Free, for Life, right now, use the Free Online Ordination, button -- Click the link!

As a longtime member of ULC, we created the seminary site to help train our ministers and our site has created a great ULC Forum. We also have a huge catalog of Universal Life Church materials and some outstanding online seminary courses. As an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church for many years and it's Seminary since the beginning, I've enjoyed watching the continual growth of the seminary.

Try our new free toolbar at: http://ULCSeminary.OurToolbar.com/

Universal Life Church

Believe . ..  Have a seat . . . relax . . . and read this slowly .Think!



I believe -
. . that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.  And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe -
. . that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.  Remember that!

I believe -
. . that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.  Even if you think you can't.

I believe -
. . that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe -
. . that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe -
. . that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe -
. . that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe -
. . that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe -
. . that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe -
. . that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe -
. . That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe -
. . that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe -
. . that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe -
. . that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe -
. . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe -
. . that mat purity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe -
. . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe -
. . that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe -
. . . that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe -
. . that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe -
. . two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe -
. . that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you or by people that you don't even know.

I believe -
. . that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe -
. . that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe -
. . that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe -
. . that you should send this to all of the people that you believe in. I just did.

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.

Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

 

Universal Life Church

Universal Life Church

Day After Christmas

The pastor was looking over the crèche the day after Christmas when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing. He went outside and saw a little boy pulling a new red wagon. In the wagon was Jesus.
We walked up to the boy and said, "Hi, there. Where did you get the baby Jesus?"
The boy answered honestly, "In the church."
"Why did you take him?" the pastor asked.
"Well," said the boy, "I prayed to the Lord Jesus and asked him for a wagon for Christmas. I told Him that if He gave me one, I'd take Him for a ride in it."

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Ordain yourself with the Universal Life Church, for Free, for Life, right now, use the Free Online Ordination, button -- Click the link!

As a longtime member of ULC, we created the seminary site to help train our ministers and our site has created a great ULC Forum. We also have a huge catalog of Universal Life Church materials and some outstanding online seminary courses. As an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church for many years and it's Seminary since the beginning, I've enjoyed watching the continual growth of the seminary.

Try our new free toolbar at: http://ULCSeminary.OurToolbar.com/

Universal Life Church

Universal Life Church

Forest Gump and St. Peter

When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."
"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "
"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."
1) Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"
2) How many seconds are in a year?
3) What is God's first name?
"Well, sir," said Forest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."
St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."
"The next question," said Forest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."
"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.
"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"
St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."
"And the last question," said Forest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."
"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"
"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."
St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forest, Run!"
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Ordain yourself with the Universal Life Church, for Free, for Life, right now, use the Free Online Ordination, button -- Click the link!

As a longtime member of ULC, we created the seminary site to help train our ministers and our site has created a great ULC Forum. We also have a huge catalog of Universal Life Church materials and some outstanding online seminary courses. As an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church for many years and it's Seminary since the beginning, I've enjoyed watching the continual growth of the seminary.

Try our new free toolbar at: http://ULCSeminary.OurToolbar.com/