Gifts for Mother!

           MAMA'S BIBLE


           Four brothers left home for college, and they became
successful doctors and lawyers.

           One evening, they chatted after having dinner together.
They discussed the 80th birthday gifts they were able to give their
elderly mother who moved to Florida.

           The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."

           The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."

           The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an
SL600 to her."

           The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the
Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very
well. I met this preacher
           who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible.

           It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had
to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church,
but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and
the parrot will recite it."

           The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration
Mama sent out her Thank You notes.


           She wrote:

           "Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in
only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

           "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my
groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was
good".

           "Thanks.Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with
Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead,
I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly
           blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

           "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good
sense to give a little thought to your gift.  The chicken was
delicious. Thank you so much."

           Love,
           Mama

Kind Words

Hiya Amy,

I do have something just not real sure what it is....call it Magic...Karma.....Spirit....but I Most definitely have IT!!....lol....and I am praying that this new yr brings more of it....and a better understanding of this Spirit I possess.....and thru the emails u send out to me makes that understanding clearer....so I thank you for your encouragement!!!!....

Thank you my friend and mentor...

Jane

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

Happiness does not consist in pastimes and amusements but in virtuous activities.

Aristotle

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

Amy,

Today your positive email came at the most extraordinary moment when it feels like I have reach a crucial point on my spiritual path. All the lessons I have been studying prepared me for this moment in my life, I feel like and having the tools from Spirit Quest is a huge soulful blessing.

The lessons provided are very life changing when one decides to apply them to their entire life a well as outlook. I feel like I have reached a true awakening! It is so wonderfully amazing. I am blessed that I found ULC.

Have a wonderful day Amy,

Rev. B.

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

I found this to be true as a child and have used it all my life. Our own expectations create a vibratory rate around us (our aura) and it is perceived by those around us through their third eye. There is more to it than just that but it is wonderful to explore and understand what God has pre-programmed in the human being.

Michael

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.
David Burns, Intimate Connections

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Children's bible Story

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. Here is what was written:

The Children's Bible in A Nutshell 

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.

The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. 

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.  Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David.. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans.

Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

(I think this was too funny to be written by a child, but puns are good for the soul.)

Kind Words

Thanks Amy:

These affirmations and words of encouragement have a real impact, so thanks again and keep them coming!  This one was just what I needed today!

Have a great day,

Richard
Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free,  and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use.  We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

Celebrate what you
      have accomplished
...but raise the bar a little
   higher each time you
         succeed
              Mia Hamm

*******************************

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.

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