Stories and Jokes

This blog is for stories of how some of our Universal Life Church ministers are using their ministries and also a collection of amusing and clean religious jokes to make you smile.

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Friday, January 28, 2011

Universal Life Church

Dear Rev. Long:
 
I am Rev. David Griffin and I am a proud member of the ULC Seminary. I am now taking the Dr. of Christian Studies-The Four Gospels Course and  with my text book and the wonderful emails I have gained a much better understanding of Christ's teachings. I am only able to take my courses one at a time as I am fighting stage 4 Metastatic Melanoma Cancer. My doctors only gave me hopes of living a few months even with aggressive treatments of chemo  and radiation. People everywhere started Praying for me and by the Grace of God I am still here after a very tough 10 year battle. All the surgeries, Chemo and Radiation left me with nerve damage and I have lost all use of my left arm and hand. Its called brachial plexia. I also have severe lymphedema and I am totally disabled but Praise God I am still here. The tumors I had on both lungs are now gone and my Doctors are watching the ones left on my liver and spine. I think God has left me here for a reason and I felt his call so I became ordained here with the ULC and joined the seminary soon after. I felt a need to be connected and be a part of something and being a member of the ULC Seminary  has been fulfilling my spiritual needs and I am proud to be a member. You are making it possible for me to be an Educated Minister so I can help others in any way God will allow. I am excited about all the other courses I plan to take and if God will give me the time I hope to be a graduate of the seminary. I have already got my Dr.of Divinity and I am looking forward to receiving my Dr. of Christian Studies soon. Please put me on your Prayer List as I know first hand what Prayer can do. I want to help as many people as I can with the time I have left and the Seminary is helping me do that.
 
GOD BLESS YOU:
 
Rev. David E. Griffin

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Friday, January 21, 2011

Universal Life Church

I recently performed a wedding ceremony for a dear friend of mine here in my patio.  I live on a beautiful ranch in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Range in southeastern Tulare County.  I raise cattle and horses in the pastures around the house.

I have one older cow and her big bull calf along with an orphan heifer by themselves in a pasture on the east side.  Because of her age, I have been feeding hay and supplement to help her raise this big calf.  If I don't feed her promptly, or even if I do, she often begs for more by bawling loudly.

She heard me talking during the ceremony and came up to see if she might get a little more hay.   She let out a loud bawl, so loud that I had to stop talking.  Without missing a beat, I looked up and said even louder, "That's alright Old Girl.  I can do this without your help!"

This got a good chuckle from everyone and added a little light and levity to the service.

I do weddings  in this area of Tulare County, provide a custom ceremony allowing the couple to choose from several different ways that each segment can be done.  I print this up in 24 font, put the pages in plastic covers, and all in a nice white binder.  I also print up a nice Certificate of Marriage for the cover.  I use this book during the ceremony, and that is my gift to the couple when we are done.

I have also put all my music onto my laptop, and feed that into a small amplifier to provide music in any setting.  If the couple wants to use a specific piece of music during the ceremony, it is easy enough to put it in their folder, and provide it during their custom ceremony.

I have been averaging about one wedding per month this year.

Brent Gill
Non-Denominational Wedding Officiant

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Friday, January 14, 2011

Universal Life Church

The Visitor
One day, a man went to visit a church. He arrived early, parked his car, and got out. Another car pulled up near him, and the driver told him, "I always park there. You took my place!"
The visitor went inside for Sunday School, found an empty seat, and sat down. A young lady from the church approached him and stated, "That's my seat! You took my place!"
The visitor was somewhat distressed by this rude welcome, but said nothing.
After Sunday School, the visitor went into the church sanctuary and sat down. Another member walked up to him and said, "That's where I always sit. You took my place!"
The visitor was even more troubled by this treatment, but still said nothing.
Later, as the congregation was praying for Christ to dwell among them, the visitor stood, and his appearance began to change.
Horrible scars became visible on his hands and on his sandaled feet.
Someone from the congregation noticed him and called out, "What happened to you?"
The visitor replied, "I took your place."
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in the sun. It is there for each and every one of you.

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Friday, January 7, 2011

Universal Life Church

Fire Dept. Special
I want to share this story with you.
Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead tell your
storm how big your GOD is!


In Phoenix, Arizona, a 26-year-old mother stared down at
her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia.
Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had
a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she
wanted her son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams.
Now that was no longer possible.

The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her
son's dreams to come true. She took her son's hand and
asked, "Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted
to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what
you would do with your life?"

Mommy, "I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up."

Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can make your
wish come true."

Later that day she went to her local fire department in
Phoenix, Arizona, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a
heart as big as Phoenix.

She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might
be possible to give her six-year-old son a ride around
the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than that.
If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday
morning, we'll make him an honorary fireman for the whole
day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us,
go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards!
And if you'll give us ! his sizes, we'll get a real fire
uniform for him, with a real fire hat-not a toy one-with
the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow
slicker like we wear and rubber boots. They're all
manufactured right here in Phoenix, so we can get them
fast."

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed
him  in his fire uniform and escorted him from his hospital
bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to
sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to
the fire station.

He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix
that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls.
He rode in the different f ire engines, the paramedic's van,
and even the fire chief's car.

He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having
his dream come true, with all the love and attention that
was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy that he
lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically
and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept that
no one should die alone, began to call the family members
to the hospital.

Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a fireman,
so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be
possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to
be with Billy as he made his transition.


The chief replied, "We can do better than that. We'll be
there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor?

When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights
flashing, will you announce over t he PA system that there
is not a fire? It's just the fire department coming to see
one of its finest members one more time. And will you open
the window to his room?

About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at
the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third
floor open window 16 firefighters climbed up the ladder
into Billy's room.

With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him
and told him how much they loved him.

With his dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief
and said, "Chief, am I really a fireman now?"

"Billy, you are, and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your
hand," the chief said.

With those words, Billy smiled and said, "I know, He's been
holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing.."
He closed his eyes one last time. 


*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Universal Life Church

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.

It is not for me to take away,

But for you to give it up.


I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.


I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
It isn't granted, it is learned.


I asked God to give me happiness..
God said, No.

I give you blessings;
Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.

God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from
Worldly cares
And brings you closer to me.







I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own,
But I will prune you to make you fruitful.


I asked God for all things

That I might enjoy life.

God said, No.

I will give you life,
So that you may enjoy all things.



I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.

God said... Ahhhh,
Finally you have the idea.

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.



The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Universal Life Church

God's cake... 

 
Sometimes we wonder, 'What did I do to deserve this?' or 'Why did God have to do this to me?' Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away. 
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, 'Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.' 
'Here, have some cooking oil,' her Mother offers. 
'Yuck' says her daughter. 
'How about a couple raw eggs?' 'Gross, Mom!' 
'Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?' 
'Mom, those are all yucky!' 
To which the mother replies: 'Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!' 
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good!
We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful! 
 
God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar