Stories and Jokes

This blog is for stories of how some of our Universal Life Church ministers are using their ministries and also a collection of amusing and clean religious jokes to make you smile.

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Friday, July 29, 2011

Universal Life Church


Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough..'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry... I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone...' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger...

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Kind Words

Amy Long has been such a positive force in my own Spirit Quest. I am taking this course and other writings from Amy have already been very helpful in my new ministry. Praise God for her Blessings. 

Rev. Laura Nowels

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free,  and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use.  We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Kind Words

Amy,
You are such a blessing to all that you touch. Thank you so much for your support and continue to share care and love with the world for his name sake.  May God's armor of protection and grace be upon you in all good that you do.
With much blessings,
Dorothy 
Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free,  and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use.  We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church


A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago.. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it.

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died..

He turned to me and said:

'Never save something for a special occasion.

Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

I still think those words changed my life..

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through.

I no longer keep anything.

I use crystal glasses every day....

I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.

I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to..

The words 'Someday...' and ' One Day....' are fading away from my dictionary.

If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now........

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.

I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special...

Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one. 

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Kind Words

Hi Amy,
Sending "nice things to say" into our emails was a Wonderful Idea!
Also~~~ long before Americans asked for a Consumer Financial Protection Agency, I was going "one on one" with a Financial Business. The Business did everything in its power to "get me out of the way". Fortunately individuals with in my State Government came to my aid, and when I became ordained, more people rushed to help a Reverend. NOW, the entire country wants to prevent these type of Businesses from ripping off its customers.
It feels really wonderful to see such great change coming to our world. But this is only the beginning Amy. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
Gary Colin

Friday, July 15, 2011

Universal Life Church


APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER  OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.

     
 1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts     
tomorrow. 
     
 2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag  his  tail.
    
 3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all. 

     
 4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.  

     
 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.  

     
 6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the  dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?  

     
 7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate  how many
people a company can operate without.  

     
 8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than  everyone else looks?  

     
 9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job. 

     
 10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to  buy a  car.  

     
 11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more  publicity.  

     
 12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at
4  AM. It could be a right number.  

     
 13. No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is winning. 

     
 14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap. 

     
 15. Be careful reading the fine print.  There's no way you're  going to
like it. 

     
 16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same  size  bucket.  

     
 17. Upon observing young "hep" girls, do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands  of old
 ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the  Golden Oldies!)  

     
 18. Money can't buy  happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a  Corvette than in a Yugo.  

     
 19. After 50, IF you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!  

     
 20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind,  and the ones who mind, don't matter! 


*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Kind Words

Amy,

Have I told you lately that you are a blessing?!! Providing these courses, being an outstanding author, a fantastic teacher, as well as helping out people like me, God is truly good.

Thank you,
Rev. George

***********************
As a long time member of ULC, I created the seminary site to help train our ministers. We also have a huge selection of Universal Life Church minister supplies. Since being ordained with the Seminary since the beginning, I've watched and facilitated the huge change and growth that has continued to happen.  I also started sending out Kind Words, which has been a huge hit with the congregation.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Universal Life Church


WHY I BECAME A MINISTER

            People often asked me if I became a minister because my family is FULL of them.  My answer is, "No".

            I became a minister because I believe there is more to "religion" than what I was taught growing up.  I don't believe that the so called "Christian" way is the only way and I believe that different "civilizations" for lack of a better word, worship the same "God" in their own way; the main thing is that we are all looking for that "Spiritual" connection and it is done in different ways in different places.

            I became a minister because I feel there is a need for compassion and a desire to reach out to those who have been "thrown to the wolves" from churches and so called "christian" families because their belief and/or lifestyle does not fit the "norm" of things.

            I believe that a minister must have an open mind, an open heart, an open soul, and a true compassion for those who need to find their "spiritual" path and to help guide them while on their spiritual journey. 

            I believe the ministry has no place for ministers who are close-minded or have their own agenda for their own glory and that is why I left the "mainstream" ministry.  That is why I have begun the process and work of starting Universal Fellowship, a Universal Life Church, in Baltimore, MD.

            I believe in Jesus as God's son, others believe him to be a prophet who God gave supernatural powers to.  I believe that God is our ultimate goal and however one gets there…of course I am not including evil in this picture because God is not evil…God is love.  Sometimes he allows us to go through things to help our "character" grow, things that we all think we could do without.  I know there have been many things I would have rather not gone through, but I did, and I matured one way or another.  I think it all depends on how we "go through it".  A wise man once told me that you determine your outcome.  You can take what you are given with a grain of salt and allow that grain of salt to clean you of what you need to be cleaned of and come out "sweet smelling" and one that others will enjoy being around, or you can allow the situation to make you a bitter, angry person and ultimately cause you to be a very lonely and miserable person, it all depends on you.

            I have been that bitter, anger, miserable, lonely person, and I didn't like it one bit!  I asked God for guidance and help, and even though I did not like the answers I got from the people He sent me to help me through it, instead of giving up, I took it with that grain of salt, let it work its way through and I became the better person for it.  Don't get me wrong, I still have days when I'm not all that sweet, but you know what?  God still loves me and that's all that matters…and that's the message I have been given to share.  When it comes down to it, a true minister is one who has been called by God to give a message, like the prophets of old, and my message is, no matter what you have done, who you are, or where you are, God loves you and wants you to come home.  Like the father and the prodigal son!
               
            Blessings to all,


*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar
 

Friday, July 1, 2011

Universal Life Church


God's Busy                                                                                                          

0AIf you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!!                                                               

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments..
He had completed missions in Iraq and 
Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and
a member of the ACLU.                  
                                                                                                                       

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in he looked to the
ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are  
real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15
minutes.'  The lecture room fell silent.
You could hear a pin drop.&nbs p;                                                                                           

                                                                                                                       

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still
waiting.' It got down to the last couple  
of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and
cold-cocked him, knocking him off the  
platform. The professor was out cold.                                                                                  

                                                                                                                       

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students
were shocked, stunned, and sat there     
looking on in silence.  The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken,
looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the
heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?'                                                                    

                                             &nbs p;                                                                         

The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today protecting American soldiers
who are protecting your right to say  
stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me.'                                                                  

                                                                                                                       

THIS IS GOOD. KEEP IT GOING

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.


Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar