Stories and Jokes

This blog is for stories of how some of our Universal Life Church ministers are using their ministries and also a collection of amusing and clean religious jokes to make you smile.

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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Universal Life Church

Thank you so much Amy. You are like medicine to  me..Love You: David 
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To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Universal Life Church

Amy, thank you for being my inspiration and you are one of the lights of my life, love Carl

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

 


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Faith Vs. Proof

Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
But don't worry; God never blinks!


Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to
heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD
didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is Satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does Satan come from ?

Student : From GOD

Professor: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and
observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your
GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I am afraid I haven't.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol,
Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat,
mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have
anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no
heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as
cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We
cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat,
sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student : You are wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of
something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing
light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its
called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it is, well
you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue
there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are
viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can
measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity
and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either
one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact
that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not
the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do
you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at
work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor.
Are you not teaching your opinion, sir?  Are you not a scientist but a
preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's
brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So,
according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable
Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due
respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir all.  Exactly!  The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.


By the way, that student was EINSTEIN.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Universal Life Church

The way to gain a good reputation, is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear. - Socrates 

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Kind Words

The cyclone derives its powers from a calm center. So does a person. 
~ Norman Vincent Peale

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Kind Words

Blessings Amy,

I hope this gets to you!  Thank you soooooooooooooo much for the message.  I can't begin to tell you how much I really needed it today as well as these last few days.  I hope that you continue to follow your dreams as well.  You are an amazing person!

Hugs
Alex
Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free,  and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use.  We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Kind Words

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

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To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.


 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Universal Life Church

Amy,
Thanks for these little moments of reflection you impart from time to time. Just wanted to let you know how much they mean to me personally and to let you know, some how, you send just what I need at the right moment. Thank you my dear Angel!

You;re always in my thoughts and prayers.

~kip~

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast.  At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more.  Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings.  They're free and heartfelt.  I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.