Reasons churches don't ask clown ministries to return:
1. They force people to smile during the 8am service.
2. It's hard to say with dignity, "The sermon today will be given by Brother Umpa-Doody."
3. Whoopee cushions inevitably appear under pew cushions
4. Sermons take a lot longer when they are pantomimed.
5. Many denominations do not recognize seltzer water baptisms.
6. Dribble glasses used during the communion service.
7. They have to pay janitors extra to get all of the silly string off the ceiling.
8. The kids pop their balloons during closing prayer.
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