Universal Life Church

APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER  OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.

     
 1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts     
tomorrow. 

     
 2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag  his  tail.
    
 3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all. 

     
 4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.  

     
 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.  

     
 6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the  dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?  

     
 7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate  how many people a company can operate without.  

     
 8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than  everyone else looks?  

     
 9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job. 

     
 10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to  buy a  car.  

     
 11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more  publicity.  

     
 12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4  AM. It could be a right number.  

     
 13. No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is winning. 

     
 14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap. 

     
 15. Be careful reading the fine print.  There's no way you're  going to like it. 

     
 16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same  size  bucket.  

     
 17. Upon observing young "hep" girls, do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands  of old  ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the  Golden Oldies!)  

     
 18. Money can't buy  happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a  Corvette than in a Yugo.  

     
 19. After 50, IF you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!  

     
 20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind,  and the ones who mind, don't matter! 

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The  ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies.  I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.

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