Universal Life Church

Truths for Mature Humans

1.                 I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2.                 Nothing sucks more than that moment during an
argument when you realize you're wrong.

3.                 I totally take back all those times I didn't want to
nap when I was younger.

4.                 There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5.                 How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6.                 Was learning cursive really necessary?

7.                 Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they
told you how the person died.

8.                 I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind
of tired.

9.                 Bad decisions make good stories.

10.             You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.

11.             Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after
BluRay?  I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

12.             I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word
and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical
report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13.             "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
wash this - ever.

14.             I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times
and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer?  Drop the
phone and run away?

15.             I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and
then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.  What a waste.

16.             I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.

17.             I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

18.             Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on
when I first saw it.

19.             I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags
in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

20.             I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.

21.             How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before
you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a
word they said?

22.             I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay
strong, brothers and sisters!

23.             Shirts get dirty.  Underwear gets dirty.  Pants?  Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

24.             Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and
dumber every year?

25.             There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're
sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

26.             As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I
hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always
hate bicyclists.

27.             Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times
and still not know what time it is.

28.             Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the
Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time,
every time!




Expecting life to treat you well because you are
a good person is like expecting an angry bull not
to charge because you are a vegetarian.
                                                       -- Shari R. Barr

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

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