Clean Religious Jokes and Ordination Stories

Universal Life Church

2012-02-02T13:35:00.000-08:00

Hi Amy!!
I want to thank for all you have done for many of us with your
messages and your great thoughts on life and all the wonderful
teachings and lessons passed on from others.
   Thank you again and have a wonderful and many full years, full
of love and joy.
        Sincerely always
    Rev. Lawrence Santana
    UNIVERSAL CHURCH OF THE WORLDS

The Universal Life Church offers free online ordination and online seminary courses.

The Atheist and the Little Girl

2012-01-31T10:24:00.001-08:00

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

    The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

    "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

    "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

    The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

    To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know shit?"

    And then she went back to reading her book.

Universal Life Church

Kind Words

2012-01-30T14:41:00.000-08:00

Hi Amy, Your messages are always very inspiring and uplifting! I look forward to your writings and I pass them on to others. Hugs to you too Amy!! You are a wonderful person and I'm sure that I'm not the only one who thinks that you are nothing less than exceptional. You are in my thoughts very often. John

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Kind Words

2012-01-29T13:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Rev Amy,

Bless you for your email messages. Yesterday's was so important to me. I am going through a very, very difficult time right now and needed to hear that I should follow my own path.

Get the good words coming. I find them so helpful.

Rev Pam

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast. At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more. Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings. They're free and heartfelt. I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

2012-01-23T06:49:00.000-08:00

THANK YOU AMY! what a kind message to receive as I sign online today. GOD BLESS YOU!

with love always,

Amy

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Kind Words

2012-01-19T12:20:00.000-08:00

The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy in the world won't work - if you won't.

Universal Life Church

Kind Words

2012-01-17T07:28:00.000-08:00

I like the ULC Seminary and encourage you to continue with its programs. I do read every newsletter although I seldom respond immediately to its news. I have completed the course on Buddhism and need to get busy writing up papers for the Wicca and the Paganism courses. I also like the interesting discourse series and read every one.

Herb Jensen
Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Kind Words

2012-01-14T12:13:00.000-08:00

Hi, Amy,

I enjoy everything you send me. Right now, enjoying summer, working in the garden and working on consciously creating my reality. :-) Dreaming. I am paying attention to the things you send and really appreciate them. Sometimes/most often they are SOOO perfect! Thank you for your hard work and love in what you do.

Peace

Mardra Hord

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast. At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more. Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings. They're free and heartfelt. I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

2012-01-12T09:32:00.000-08:00

Amy,

Not sure how you are coming up with these words of inspiration, but they are perfect!!!!

Thank you so much.

Love,

Lynn
Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Kind Words

2012-01-11T09:27:00.000-08:00

Hiya Amy

In my head I know that these are fed through a system that just plugs in my name, but in my heart I am touched just the same.

Thank you for continuing these love notes! They seem to arrive when I'm in a crux. Makes me smile!

Christie

Kind Words

2012-01-08T12:34:00.000-08:00

Hi Amy,

I must say, I stopped and thought about the statement in the email you sent.

Simple.. And yet has the ability to bring forth one of the most fulfilling and powerful things we have.. "Self Realization"

May I spread this statement to others in my life?

Rick

Kind Words

2012-01-08T05:30:00.000-08:00

I downloaded the toolbar and I think it is great! The things we can do with it is fantastic! Thank you Amy. It is greatly appreciated what the ULC seminary has done. God bless you.

Reverend Terry Sue

Kind Words

2012-01-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

Amy,

When I come home, the first thing I do is check my emails to see if you had written. I do look forward to hearing from you. You make a bad day good, and a good day wonderful. Thank you.

Have a great evening.

Ken
Kind Words

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

2011-12-28T07:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Amy:

Thanks so very VERY much for hanging in there with me..

Your thoughts and comments help and lead me to trust my instincts which are easy to negate.

When I get through all this I'll be taking some of your courses.

Love to you and yours

Roy

Universal Life Church

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast. At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more. Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings. They're free and heartfelt. I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

2011-12-26T12:08:00.000-08:00

If you desire others to be happy, practice compassion;
if YOU desire to be happy, practice compassion!

- Mary Stewbeck

Universal Life Church

Kind Words

2011-12-25T09:35:00.000-08:00

Amy,

Just a quick note to say thanks for all your hard work. I know the time you spend is great and you never cease to amaze me with the new course, books, ID Cards you keep getting out. I know I haven't been very active in the Seminary as of late, but it is just I have been so busy with the other aspect of my life and career.

Well, I hope to be more active in taking courses again in the near future, but for now, know that I am still alive and well and still reading all your emails and bulletins I receive. I wish you all the best and will be in touch.

--
Sincerely yours,

Judge Edward Singleton, DD, MBA, CPA
Universal Life Church

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

2011-12-24T12:05:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say, that I have been receiving this newsletter for almost four years now, and never once have I responded to say thank you. So, thank you.

Thank you for the wonderful uplifting stories, the charismatic way the organization presents its classes, and for the opportunity the ULC Seminary has given me when it comes to spiritual development.

I know your busy, so I won’t take up anymore of your time.

Thank you again for everything.

Jonathan

Merry Christmas
To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast. At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more. Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings. They're free and heartfelt. I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

2011-12-17T07:03:00.000-08:00

Thank you Amy, the kind words helped a lot today. I recently performed my first wedding and it was extra special because it was my eldest son's marriage. I have not been able to start on the two classes I ordered over the summer, but I am looking forward to beginning them shortly. Thank you again for the kind and generous words. I am truly enjoying my involvement in the ULC Seminary.

Karen

***********************

As a long time member of ULC, I created the seminary site to help train our ministers. We also have a huge selection of Universal Life Church minister supplies. Since being ordained with the Seminary since the beginning, I've watched and facilitated the huge change and growth that has continued to happen. I also started sending out Kind Words, which has been a huge hit with the congregation.

Universal Life Church

2011-12-12T07:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Amy:

The Great Spirit, God, the flow of the earth,, must have known I needed your attention and words.

Its almost telepathic; knowing I was bored some years ago in another profession, was one of the main reasons I'm doing what I am.

with sincere appreciation thank you so very much for taking time to speak to this tired confused soul seeking man.

Your words help..as well as your guidance.

Also I may not get the time to read through all your e-mails on the Seminary courses, However I've been saving them for years in a special file just for those e-mails.

Thank you and your great Spirit for all the work you are doing,

Sincerely,

Roy

Universal Life Church
To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast. At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more. Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings. They're free and heartfelt. I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

2011-12-10T06:20:00.000-08:00

Rev. Amy, I just wanted to tell you the video you did was wonderful. I wish I could vote for you more than once. I always seam to get a new message just when I need it. You are a miracle and an angel. I am so blessed to have you. Have a blessed day.

June

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Kind Words

2011-12-02T08:27:00.000-08:00

Hi Amy!!

A double Thank You and God bless! I needed to hear that right now.

You make the world a brighter, happier place!

Back at you ;-)

Chris

***********************

Kind Words

2011-11-29T06:58:00.000-08:00

Thank you so very much Amy!

You could not have known what this bit of encouragement means right now. The right words at just the right time. You too are a wonderful person for even thinking of this mailing.

Again, Thank you.

Brightest Blessings,

~Laura

Universal Life Church

2011-11-25T15:29:00.000-08:00

Public schools anymore

Because the word 'God' is mentioned.....

A kid in Arizona wrote the attached

NEW School prayer:

Now I sit me down in school

Where praying is against the rule

For this great nation under God

Finds mention of Him very odd.

If scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.

And anytime my head I bow

Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,

That's no offense; it's a freedom scene..

The law is specific, the law is precise.

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall

Might offend someone with no faith at all..

In silence alone we must meditate,

God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks...

They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.

To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.

It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,

We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong..

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles..

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,

When chaos reigns the school's a mess.

So, Lord, this silent plea I make:

Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Amen

If you aren't ashamed to do this, Please pass this on..

Jesus said, 'If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father.'

Not ashamed. Pass this on.

*******************************

The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have various classes in Christianity, one on Wicca, along with several Pagan courses, more than a few courses about Metaphysics with more being added regularly.

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

The ULC, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies. I've been ordained with the Universal Life Church for many years and am proud to have started the Seminary.

Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Kind Words

2011-11-23T08:26:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much Amy. You are like medicine to me..Love You: David

***********************

Kind Words

2011-11-21T15:28:00.000-08:00

Dear Rev. Amy Long

First and foremost, THANK YOU for all that you have done to help me with my evolving ministry. Your guidance, suggestions and willingness to discuss on the phone, "the stuff" the makes being a ULC Minister possible and fun, has helped greatly! I thought you should know, that for me, you have done well and made it possible for me to be of service!

Also, I wanted to wish you and your family endless Blessings and Prosperity for this Holiday Season and into the New Year!

Very Warm Regards,

Reverend James DiMario
Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Kind Words

2011-11-19T04:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Amy:

The Great Spirit, God, the flow of the earth,, must have known I needed your attention and words. It's almost telepathic; knowing I was bored some years ago in another profession, was one of the main reasons I'm doing what I am. With sincere appreciation thank you so very much for taking time to speak to this tired confused soul seeking man.

Your words help..as well as your guidance.

Also I may not get the time to read through all your e-mails on the Seminary courses, However, I've been saving them for years in a special file just for those e-mails.

Thank you and your great Spirit for all the work you are doing,

Sincerely,

Roy

Universal Life Church
Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

2011-11-18T14:57:00.000-08:00

In September 1960, I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and just 75 cents in my pocket.

Their father was gone..

The boys ranged from three months to seven years; their sister was two.

Their Dad had never been much more than a presence they feared.

Whenever they heard his tires crunch on the gravel driveway they would scramble to hide under their beds.

He did manage to leave $15 a week to buy groceries.

Now that he had decided to leave, there would be no more beatings, but no food either.

If there was a welfare system in effect in southern Indiana at that time, I certainly knew nothing about it.

I scrubbed the kids until they looked brand new and then put on my best homemade dress, loaded them into the rusty old 51 Chevy and drove off to find a job.

The seven of us went to every factory, store and restaurant in our small town.

No luck.

The kids stayed crammed into the car and tried to be quiet while I tried to convince who ever would listen that I was willing to learn or do anything. I had to have a job.

Still no luck. The last place we went to, just a few miles out of town, was an old Root Beer Barrel drive-in that had been converted to a truck stop.

It was called the Big Wheel.

An old lady named Granny owned the place and she peeked out of the window from time to time at all those kids.

She needed someone on the graveyard shift, 11 at night until seven in the morning.

She paid 65 cents an hour, and I could start that night.

I raced home and called the teenager down the street that baby-sat for people.
I bargained with her to come and sleep on my sofa for a dollar a night.

She could arrive with her pajamas on and the kids would already be asleep

This seemed like a good arrangement to her, so we made a deal.

That night when the little ones and I knelt to say our prayers, we all thanked God for finding Mommy a job.. And so I started at the Big Wheel.

When I got home in the mornings I woke the baby-sitter up and sent her home with one dollar of my tip money-- fully half of what I averaged every night.

As the weeks went by, heating bills added a strain to my meager wage.

The tires on the old Chevy had the consistency of penny balloons and began to leak. I had to fill them with air on the way to work and again every morning before I could go home.

One bleak fall morning, I dragged myself to the car to go home and found four tires in the back seat. New tires!

There was no note, no nothing, just those beautiful brand new tires.

Had angels taken up residence in Indiana ? I wondered.

I made a deal with the local service station.

In exchange for his mounting the new tires, I would clean up his office.

I remember it took me a lot longer to scrub his floor than it did for him to do the tires.

I was now working six nights instead of five and it still wasn't enough.

Christmas was coming and I knew there would be no money for toys for the kids .

I found a can of red paint and started repairing and painting some old toys. Then I hid them in the basement so there would be something for Santa to deliver on Christmas morning.

Clothes were a worry too. I was sewing patches on top of patches on the boys pants and soon they would be too far gone to repair.

On Christmas Eve the usual customers were drinking coffee in the Big Wheel. There were the truckers, Les, Frank, and Jim, and a state trooper named Joe.

A few musicians were hanging around after a gig at the Legion and were dropping nickels in the pinball machine.

The regulars all just sat around and talked through the wee hours of the morning and then left to get home before the sun came up.

When it was time for me to go home at seven o'clock on Christmas morning, to my amazement, my old battered Chevy was filled full to the top with boxes of all shapes and sizes.

I quickly opened the driver's side door, crawled inside and kneeled in the front facing the back seat..

Reaching back, I pulled off the lid of the top box.

Inside was whole case of little blue jeans, sizes 2-10!

I looked inside another box: It was full of shirts to go with the jeans.

Then I peeked inside some of the other boxes. There was candy and nuts and bananas and bags of groceries. There was an enormous ham for baking, and canned vegetables and potatoes.

There was pudding and Jell-O and cookies, pie filling and flour. There was whole bag of laundry supplies and cleaning items.

And there were five toy trucks and one beautiful little doll.

As I drove back through empty streets as the sun slowly rose on the most amazing Christmas Day of my life, I was sobbing with gratitude.

And I will never forget the joy on the faces of my little ones that precious morning.

Yes, there were angels in Indiana that long-ago December. And they all hung out at the Big Wheel truck stop.

THE POWER OF PRAYER. I believe that God only gives three answers to prayer:

1. 'Yes!'

2. 'Not yet.'

3! have something better in mind.'
God still sits on the throne, and the devil is a liar.

You may be going through a tough time right now but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that you cannot imagine.

*******************************

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Kind Words

2011-11-14T04:21:00.000-08:00

Hello Amy, I just had to share with you my experience. My brother came to see me from Arizona, and he has studied the bible for some time and been active with his church. He came to see my Mom who I've been caring for, and we started to talk and I shared some reading I've been doing in my studies.

All of a sudden he said "you've changed, you look really good, I can see it in your eyes, you have the Mark I can see it. I was so shocked and complimented. At once it became clear what he was talking about and what Pastor Dan was speaking about in Lesson 2.

My brother was very excited and we had a great discussion which I believe has strengthened our relationship. I finally understand about the Divine Mark, and I do feel truly blessed.

Sincerely,

Rev Patricia

The Universal Life Church offers free online ordination and online seminary courses.

Universal Life Church

2011-11-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

Good morning said a woman as she walked up to the man sitting on ground.

The man slowly looked up.

This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new... She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life.

His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.. "Leave me alone," he growled....

To his amazement, the woman continued standing.

She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away."

The woman's smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm.

"What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.

Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..

"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"

The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"

"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."

"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up. "Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything."

" This is a good deal for you, Jack" the officer answered. "Don't blow it.."

Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived...

The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked. "What is all this, is this man in trouble?"

"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.

"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business.."

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place."

The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled..... "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?"

"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."

"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"

"What business is that of yours?"

I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."

"Oh."

The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference." She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"

"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."

"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"
"Yes, mam. That would be very nice."

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel, "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."

The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.

"That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."

She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently... "Jack, do you remember me?"

Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."

"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."

"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

"I was just out of college," the woman began.. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."

Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said.. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."

"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble... Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right."

"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.

"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card.. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons...He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office." She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet... If you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you."

There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he said.
"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus... He led me to you."

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways....

"Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.

"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And..And thank you for the coffee"

If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.

If you have missed some of my emails, you might have missed a laugh..

But, if you have missed knowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, you have missed everything in the world.

Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you..
God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart..

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!

The power of one sentence!

God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.

If you believe, send it.
If you don't believe, delete it.

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..
If you need God to open some doors for you...send this on.

Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...
LIVE WELL, LOVE MUCH, LAUGH OFTEN

*******************************

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, legal and lasts for life, so please take advantage of our Free Online Ordination.

Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Kind Words

2011-11-10T14:00:00.000-08:00

Ya know Amy, these really are a nice little pick-me-up. Thanks for taking the time to do it. You're a good one, yourself.
Julie
Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Kind Words

2011-11-06T07:05:00.000-08:00

Amy,

Thank you for taking time to write me such a personal and heart-warming message.

I am touched deeply by your words.

Thank you.

Mark

Universal Life Church

2011-11-04T14:32:00.000-07:00

Truths for Mature Humans

1.    I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2.    Nothing sucks more than that moment during an
argument when you realize you're wrong.

3.    I totally take back all those times I didn't want to
nap when I was younger.

4.    There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5.    How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6.    Was learning cursive really necessary?

7.    Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they
told you how the person died.

8.    I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind
of tired.

9.    Bad decisions make good stories.

10.    You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.

11.    Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after
BluRay? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

12.    I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word
and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical
report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13.    "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
wash this - ever.

14.    I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times
and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the
phone and run away?

15.    I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and
then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

16.    I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.

17.    I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

18.    Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on
when I first saw it.

19.    I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags
in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

20.    I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.

21.    How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before
you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a
word they said?

22.    I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay
strong, brothers and sisters!

23.    Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

24.    Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and
dumber every year?

25.    There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're
sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

26.    As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I
hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always
hate bicyclists.

27.    Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times
and still not know what time it is.

28.    Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the
Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time,
every time!

Expecting life to treat you well because you are
a good person is like expecting an angry bull not
to charge because you are a vegetarian.
   -- Shari R. Barr

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-11-01T10:03:00.000-07:00

Amy, this is awesome!! I am so proud to be a part of this seminary!! Keep sending wonderful information.......and spreading your Awesome LIGHT!!

Love and Blessings,

Deb

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

2011-10-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'

The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, ' Mom , I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom ..' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else.. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter.

The letter said:

'Dear Mom ,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom , even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.

Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place.. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop thi s letter off to you. G od sai d for me t o give you the answ er to one of the questions you asked Him 'where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom , no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that,
AND NEVER FORGET I LOVE YOU!

Signed with Love from God, Jesus,Gabriel & Me.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-10-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

Amy, thank you for being my inspiration and you are one of the lights of my life, love Carl

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Kind Words

2011-10-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

Amy,

Thank you! Your kind comments really give me a lift today. It is so true that we often impact the lives around us and do not see the impact. I have been blessed on a couple of occasions to have some visit me after some years have passed and listen to their testimony how they were impacted by something I said or did years ago. I see that as a divine pat on the back sometimes.

Thanks for your ministry and being a blessing to so many through ULC!

In Christ's love,

Dan

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

2011-10-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

The Wooden Bowl

I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl
tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
'We must do something about father,' said the son. 'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor..' So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded, 'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.
' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no
word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his
days he ate every meal with the family... And for some reason, neither husband nor wife
seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:
a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as
making a 'life..'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on God,
your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-10-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

Hi Rev. Amy,

I appreciated Lesson 4 of your spirituality course; I enjoyed the adept example of quantum mechanics and the ever present fact of God. I am ending a Lutheran ministry and in the

process of establishing a place of meaningful worship within our one rule "Harm none";

Keep me on your mailing list; I definitely will sign up for classes- we all need inspiration from other minds.

Blessings of your choices

Sincerely,

Rev.Charise Anderson

Universal Life Church

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

2011-10-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

SCARS OF LIFE

Some years ago,

On a hot summer day

In South Florida ,

A little boy decided to go

For a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.

In a hurry to dive into

The cool water,

He ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went.

He flew into the water,

Not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.

His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer and closer together.

In utter fear,

He ran toward the water,

Yelling to his son as loudly

As he could.

Hearing his voice,

The little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn

To swim to his father.

It was too late.

Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.

>From the dock,

The father grabbed his little boy by the arms

Just as the alligator

Snatched his legs...

That began an incredible

Tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father,

But the father was much

Too passionate to let go.

A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams,

Raced from his truck,

Took aim and shot the alligator.

Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital,

The little boy survived.

His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack

Of the animal.

And, on his arms,

Were deep scratches

Where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort

To hang on to the son he loved.

The newspaper reporter

Who interviewed the boy

After the trauma,

Asked if he would

Show him his scars.

The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter,

'But look at my arms.

I have great scars

On my arms, too.

I have them because

My Dad wouldn't let go.'

You and I can identify

With that little boy.

We have scars, too.

No, not from an alligator,

But the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars

Are unsightly and have

Caused us deep regret.

But, some wounds,

My friend,

Are because God has refused

To let go.

In the midst of your struggle, He's been there

Holding on to you...

The scripture teaches that

God loves you.

You are a child of God.

He wants to protect you

And

Provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life

Is filled with peril -

And we forget

That the enemy is waiting

To attack.

That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have

The scars of His love

On your arms,

Be very, very grateful.

He did not and will not ever let you go.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-10-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

Dearest Sister Amy,

You have no idea just how important your “silly” words have been to me…It was words given by someone I have never met but know in spirit…Words that have helped me through a very hard time in my life and helped me help my partner/girlfriend with her mother and fathers recent demise…Amy, you are one of the kindest and most sincere people I have ever known…Your words will never be silly…Words from you have the true spirit of the great maker…Thank you…A million thank you’s can never be enough…

Rev. Jesse

Universal Life Church

2011-10-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a funny story about asking God what else can happen to me. This a true story and I have the scar to prove it. Last Summer I went fishing in shorts and t-shirt. I parked my car off the side of the road on a creek (stream outside the South). It is about 8 feet across and 2" to 20' deep (in the holes). I parked about 10 yards above the creek on a bank off the road. I was fishing at a small waterfall and hooked into a large fish. I tripped over my tackle box sending the contents into the creek. Then I stepped on a rock and lost my balance and hit my right knee on another rock breaking the knee cap in half. I remember asking, "Lord, what more can go wrong.".

I fell into the creek and the heavens opened up and poured on me. My wallet floated away. I was not going to lose this fish. Again, I asked "Lord, what more can go wrong.".

I climbed out of the creek and half-way up the hill, I slipped and rolled back down the hill into a patch of poison ivy. For the third time I asked "Lord, what more can go wrong.".

I climbed the hill once again, made it to my car only to discover that my car keys had somehow slipped out of my pocket into the creek. For the forth time I asked "Lord, what more can go wrong.". I had no cell phone to call anyone so I slipped back down to the creek, got my keys, I slithered backed up the bank got into my car and drove away for about a mile and ran out of gas. This time I figured out that God was tired of me asking what else could go wrong so I did not ask. I passerby got me gas enough to drive to the local hospital.

I spent the next several weeks with my knee in a soft cast and itching like crazy! I have learned not to ask the Lord what else can go wrong.

Okay, this is the point where you laugh. It's okay, I laughed myself silly! Murphy's Law, Right? Have you ever tried to scratch that you cannot get to?

BTW, The trout was great! James

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-10-04T07:02:00.000-07:00

Amy:

I love these messages. They're inspiring.....delightfully fulfilling and something to pass on. Wonderful idea to share this, to do this and to make this ministry a part of it.

Grace and Peace

Pamela

***********************

Universal Life Church

2011-09-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

JESUS & THE MUD PUDDLE

Howard  County Sheriff Jerry Marr got a disturbing call
One Saturday  afternoon a few months ago.
His 6-year-old grandson, Mikey, had been  hit by a car
While fishing in Greentown with his dad.

The father and son were near a bridge
By the Kokomo Reservoir when a
Woman lost control of her car,
Slid off the bridge and hit  Mikey
At a rate of about 50 mph.
Sheriff Marr had seen the results of accidents
Like this and feared the worst.
When he got to   Saint Joseph Hospital ,
He rushed through the emergency
Room to  find Mikey conscious and in fairly good spirits.

'Mikey, what  happened ?' Sheriff Marr asked.
Mikey replied, 'Well, Papaw, I was fishin' with Dad,
And some lady runned me over,I flew into a mud
Puddle, and broke my fishin' pole and I didn't get to catch
No  fish !'

As it turned out, the impact propelled Mikey about
500 feet, over a few trees and an embankment and in
To the middle of a mud puddle.
His only injuries were to his right femur bone,
Which had broken in two places.
Mikey had surgery to place  pins in his leg.
Otherwise the boy is fine.

Since all the boy could talk about was
That his fishing pole was broken,
The Sheriff  went out to Wal-Mart and bought
Him a new one while he was in surgery
So he could have it when he  came out.
The next day the Sheriff sat with Mikey
To keep him company in the hospital.
Mikey was enjoying his new fishing pole
And talked about  when he could go fishing again
As he cast into the trash can.
When  they were alone Mikey, just as matter-of-fact, said,
'Papaw, did you  know Jesus is real?'

'Well,' the Sheriff replied, a little startled..
'Yes, Jesus is  real to all who believe in him
And love him in their hearts.'

'No,' said Mikey. 'I mean Jesus is REALLY REAL.'

'What do you mean ?' asked the Sheriff.

'I know he's real 'cause I saw him,' said Mikey,
Still casting into the trash can.

'You did ?' said the Sheriff.

'Yep,' said Mikey. 'When  that lady runned me over
And broke my fishing pole, Jesus caught me in his arms
And laid me down in the mud puddle.'
GIVES  YOU GLORY BUMPS, DOESN'T IT ? !
GOD  WILL DO THE REST

I asked the Lord to bless you
As I prayed for you today
To guide you and  protect you
As you go along your way
His love is always with  you
His promises are true
And when we give Him all our cares
You know He will see us through

So when the road you're  traveling on
Seems difficult at best
Just remember I'm here praying
And God will do the rest.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-09-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy-I know you have many challenges and are a shining light the way you handle things. Keep up the good work, I am proud of you!

--Linda

Kind Words

2011-09-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy,

Thank you once again...You ALWAYS seem to know when I need to hear from you with a reassuring message...:) Be sure to follow your advice, because you make my world a better place just by having you in it!!

Love and angel hugs,

Elizabeth
Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

2011-09-23T10:46:00.000-07:00

"The Old Deacon"

Now this is the: Living Bible:

His name is Ted. He has wild hair, wears a T-shirt with holes in it,
jeans, and no shoes. This was literally his wardrobe for his entire
four years of college.

He is brilliant. Kind of profound and very, very bright. He became a
Christian while attending college.

Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very conservative
church.. They want to develop a ministry to the students but are not
sure how to go about it..

One day Ted decides to go there. He walks in with no shoes, jeans, his
T-shirt, and wild hair. The service has already started and so Ted
starts down the aisle looking for a seat.

The church is completely packed and he can't find a seat. By now,
people are really looking a bit uncomfortable, but no one says
anything.

Ted gets closer and closer and closer to the pulpit, and when he
realizes there are no seats, he just squats down, right on the carpet.

By now the people are really uptight, and the tension in the air is
thick.

About this time, the minister realizes that from way at the back of the
church, a deacon is slowly making his way toward Ted.

Now the deacon is in his eighties, has silver-gray hair, and a
three-piece suit. A godly man, very elegant, very dignified, very
courtly. He walks with a cane and, as he starts walking toward this
boy, everyone is saying to themselves that you can't blame him for what he's going to do.

How can you expect a man of his age and of his background to understand some college kid on the floor?

It takes a long time for the man to reach the boy.

The church is utterly silent except for the clicking of the man's cane. All eyes are focused on him. You can't even hear anyone breathing. The minister can't even preach the sermon until the deacon does what he has to do.

And now they see this elderly man drop his cane on the floor. With
great difficulty, he lowers himself and sits down next to Ted and
worships with him so he won't be alone.

Everyone chokes up with emotion...

When the minister gains control, he says,

'What I'm about to preach, you will never remember. What you have just seen, you will never forget.'

'Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible; some people will
ever read!'

I asked the Lord to bless you
As I prayed for you today.
To guide you and protect you
As you go along your way....
His love is always with you,
His promises are true,
And when we give Him all our cares,
You know He will see us through.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-09-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Amy, I'm just reading this and its just what I needed. Thanks for being a warm, kind compassionate, encouraging friend. You are chosen of God to do his bidding. Thank you so much for all you do and say. Wilma

The Universal Life Church offers free online ordination and online seminary courses.

Universal Life Church

2011-09-16T10:40:00.000-07:00

This was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.' I wonder if any of us could have done as well? And he had such an assignment, in California, and someone published it, I guess miracles do happen!

EXPLANATION OF GOD:
'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'

'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'

'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'

'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.' 'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what
they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.'

'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'

'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.' 'You should always go to church on Sabbath because it makes God happy and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!

Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.' 'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'
'But you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.

And that's why I believe in God.'

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-09-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

Amy,

Thanks for these little moments of reflection you impart from time to time. Just wanted to let you know how much they mean to me personally and to let you know, some how, you send just what I need at the right moment. Thank you my dear Angel!

You;re always in my thoughts and prayers.

~kip~

Universal Life Church

2011-09-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

In response to your thoughtful note: On occasion those Truths (little acts of kindness, etc) return to the present moment.

in the 1970s I was a Licensed Psychiatric Technician working on an admissions unit at Imola State Hospital in Northern California. Reagan was governor and had cut funding to the mental health-care system. Staff was short, admissions rose (many of them accused criminals being 'evaluated). We were 3 staff with 48 patients...one of them deeply imprinted in my memory.

He was an African-American approximately the same age as myself - wild-eyed, disheveled, with disjointed speech and an agitated demeanor and generally repulsive. . Most staff and patients walked a wide circle around him out of a generalized prejudice and fear. I was his medication nurse and I made the determination that I wouldn't herd him to the medicaion room with the others, but use that as a contact point. I invited him to sit down with me, spend 15 minutes ACTIVELY listening to his disjointed, paranoid ideation; give him his meds and wish him a fine day...for 30 days.

Many years later - 30 years-plus - I was at dinner with my friend, Father Pat, at a high-end restaurant in San Francisco. As I was intensely debating an issue with Pat, I noticed a well-dressed, 'professional" looking African American gentleman approachingus. He excused himself for 'interrupting" and said, "You're Ron, aren't you?" I was taken aback!

"You most likely don't remember me, but many years ago, I was in the throes of Schizophrenia, undiagnosed.
I was frignhtening and really crazy, and you were the only person who ever listened to me - listened as if I made sense. I've never forgotten that and have always wanted to thank you."

Ronald

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-09-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

Amy,
Are you an angel sent to me to lift my spirits? I realize that you send emails to many but your words always seem to come to me in my time of need. No matter who you may be to others, you will always be an angel to me.

Thank you and God Bless,

Rev. Skyelan Rose

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

2011-09-02T10:26:00.000-07:00

Alas, where has all our innocence gone?

While I sat in the reception area
   of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man
   in a wheelchair into the room.  As she went
   to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone
   and silent.  Just as I was thinking I should make
   small talk with him, a little boy slipped off
   his mother's lap and walked over to
   the wheelchair.  Placing his hand on the
   man's, he said, 'I know how you feel.  My
   mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'

*****
As I was nursing
   my baby, my cousin's six-year-old
   daughter, Krissy, came into the room.
   Never having seen anyone breast feed
   before, she was intrigued and full of all
   kinds of questions about what I was doing.
   After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom
   has some of those, but I don't think she knows
   how to use them.'

*****
Out bicycling
   one day with my eight-year-old
   granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little
   wistful.  'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want
   to be with your friends and you won't go
   walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do
   now.  Carolyn shrugged.  'In ten years you'll be
   too old to do all those things anyway.'

******
Working as a pediatric
   nurse, I had the difficult assignment
   of giving immunization shots to children.
   One day, I entered the examining room to give
   four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she
   screamed.  'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's
   not polite behavior.'  With that, the girl
   yelled even louder, 'No, thank you!  No, thank
   you!

******

On the way back from a Cub
Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son,
   'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but
   how do they get there in the first place?'  After my
   son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally
   spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make
   up something, Dad.  It's okay if you don't
   know the answer.'

*****
Just before I
   was deployed to Iraq , I  sat my eight-year-old
   son down and broke the news to  him.  'I'm
   going to be away for a long time,' I told
   him.  'I'm going to Iraq .' 'Why?' he
   asked.  'Don't you know there's a war going
   on  over there?'

*****
Paul Newman
   founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for
   children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
   diseases.  One afternoon, he and his wife,
   Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with
   the kids.  A counselor at a nearby
   table, suspecting the young patients
   wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star,
   explained, 'That's the man who made this camp
   possible.  Maybe you've seen his picture on
   his salad dressing bottle?'  Blank
   stares.  'Well, you've probably seen his face on
   his lemonade carton.'  An eight-year-old girl
   perked  up.  'How long was he missing?'

*****
God's  Problem Now.

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when  there was
massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous
bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder
rumbling in the distance.  The little, old man
looked at the  pastor and calmly said,  'Well, she's there.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-09-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

Hiya Amy,

Happy New Year to ya!!!!!....I do have something just not real sure what it is....call it Magic...Karma.....Spirit....but I Most definitely have IT!!....lol....and I am praying that this new yr brings more of it....and a better understanding of this Spirit I possess.....and thru the emails u send out to me makes that understanding clearer....so I thank you for your encouragement!!!!....

Thank you my friend and mentor...

Jane

***********************

Universal Life Church

2011-08-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in 'Mom let's run through the rain,'
she said.
'What?' Mom asked.

'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated

'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain,'

'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said...

'No, we won't, Mom.. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?

'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain... We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore
what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,' Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case.. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season
and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-08-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

WoW Rev. Amy,

That is so powerful.....

I thank God for you....

Stay Blessed

Ron Arrington

***********************

Universal Life Church

2011-08-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

GOD LIVES UNDER THE BED - AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT KEVIN THINKS

Actually, I envy Kevin. He is a really good person! Kevin, thinks God lives under his bed.

At least, that's what I heard him say one night.

He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped to listen, 'Are you there, God?' he said. 'Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed...'

I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin's unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in.

He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he's 6-foot-2), there are few ways in which he is an adult.

He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them.

I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life?

Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed.

The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child.

He does not seem dissatisfied.

He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work.

He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day's laundry chores.

And Saturdays - oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That's the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. 'That one's goin' to Chi-car-go! ' Kevin shouts as he claps his hands.

His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights.

And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips.

He doesn't know what it means to be discontent.

His life is simple, and for him, it is comfortable and complete.

He will never know the entanglements of wealth of power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be.

His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it.

He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax.

He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure.

He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue.

Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God!

Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God - to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an 'educated' person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion.

In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity, I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith.

It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions.

It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap. I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances - they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God's care.

Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God.

And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I'll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed.

Kevin won't be surprised at all!

FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-08-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Amy, So ofter I have preached of the angels in heaven, but as I see people such as yourself I realize just how many angels are here on earth so often I may feel down and you are the angel who lifts me up and sets me going again. We have finished a sozo training ministry team at our church and I truly feel as a man of God that we all need to install it into our ministries. Amy you are truly a woman of God , and I have a prophetic word for you-Keep going you are succeeding, take time and love yourself,take time for yourself relax,rejuvinate spend time alone in his presence.
Take Care because God Cares John.
To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast. At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more. Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings. They're free and heartfelt. I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

2011-08-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

This is just to say 'Thank you'. What a lovely site you have, with so much useful and thoughtful information to support your ministers and their efforts.

Since applying for ordination, I have become more interested in starting my own church in the UK, and have been reading around the information you provide, and which has been shared by others. Excellent. Your own sermon regarding the 'Angel' was very touching; thank you for sharing it. The live feed on current religious topics is also excellent, as are the materials on starting your own church.

I've joined the seminary, and will be taking advantage of the development courses offered there, and will be in touch for further support materials as my ministry develops.

Thank you once again for what is clearly a labor of love.

Luke

The Universal Life Church offers free online ordination and online seminary courses.

Universal Life Church

2011-08-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

Because of Love

A brother and sister had made their usual hurried, obligatory pre-
Christmas visit to the little farm where dwelt their elderly
Parents with their small herd of horses. The farm was where they
Had grown up and had been named Lone Pine Farm because of the huge
Pine, which topped the hill behind the farm. Through the years the
Tree had become a talisman to the old man and his wife, and a
Landmark in the countryside. The young siblings had fond memories
Of their childhood here, but the city hustle and bustle added more
Excitement to their lives, and called them away to a different life.

The old folks no longer showed their horses, for the years had
Taken their toll, and getting out to the barn on those frosty
Mornings was getting harder, but it gave them a reason to get up in
The mornings and a reason to live. They sold a few foals each
Year, and the horses were their reason for joy in the morning and
Contentment at day's end.

Angry, as they prepared to leave, the young couple confronted the
Old folks "Why do you not at least dispose of The Old One." She
Is no longer of use to you. It's been years since you've had foals
From her. You should cut corners and save so you can have more for
Yourselves. How can this old worn out horse bring you anything but
Expense and work? Why do you keep her anyway?"

The old man looked down at his worn boots, holes in the toes,
Scuffed at the barn floor and replied, " Yes, I could use a pair of
New boots. His arm slid defensively about the Old One's neck as he
Drew her near with gentle caressing he rubbed her softly behind her
Ears. He replied softly, "We keep her because of love. Nothing
Else, just love."

Baffled and irritated, the young folks wished the old man and his
Wife a Merry Christmas and headed back toward the city as darkness
Stole through the valley. The old couple shook their heads in
Sorrow that it had not been a happy visit. A tear fell upon their
Cheeks. How is it that these young folks do not understand the
Peace of the love that filled their hearts?

So it was, that because of the unhappy leave-taking, no one noticed
The insulation smoldering on the frayed wires in the old barn.
None saw the first spark fall. None but the "Old One".

In a matter of minutes, the whole barn was ablaze and the hungry
Flames were licking at the loft full of hay. With a cry of horror
And despair, the old man shouted to his wife to call for help as he
Raced to the barn to save their beloved horses. But the flames were
Roaring now, and the blazing heat drove him back. He sank sobbing
To the ground, helpless before the fire's fury. His wife back from
Calling for help cradled him in her arms, clinging to each other,
They wept at their loss.

By the time the fire department arrived, only smoking, glowing
Ruins were left, and the old man and his wife, exhausted from their
Grief, huddled together before the barn. They were speechless as
They rose from the cold snow covered ground. They nodded thanks to
The firemen as there was nothing anyone could do now. The old man
Turned to his wife, resting her white head upon his shoulders as
His shaking old hands clumsily dried her tears with a frayed red
Bandana. Brokenly he whispered, "We have lost much, but God has
Spared our home on this eve of Christmas. Let us gather strength
And climb the hill to the old pine where we have sought comfort in
Times of despair. We will look down upon our home and give thanks
To God that it has been spared and pray for our beloved most
Precious gifts that have been taken from us.

And so, he took her by the hand and slowly helped her up the snowy
Hill as he brushed aside his own tears with the back of his old and
Withered hand.

The journey up the hill was hard for their old bodies in the steep
Snow. As they stepped over the little knoll at the crest of the
Hill, they paused to rest, looking up to the top of the hill the
Old couple gasped and fell to their knees in amazement at the
Incredible beauty before them.

Seemingly, every glorious, brilliant star in the heavens was caught
Up in the glittering, snow-frosted branches of their beloved pine,
And it was aglow with heavenly candles. And poised on its top most
Bough, a crystal crescent moon glistened like spun glass. Never had
a mere mortal created a Christmas tree such as this. They were
Breathless as the old man held his wife tighter in his arms.

Suddenly, the old man gave a cry of wonder and incredible joy.
Amazed and mystified, he took his wife by the hand and pulled her
forward. There, beneath the tree, in resplendent glory, a mist
hovering over and glowing in the darkness was their Christmas
gift. Shadows glistening in the night light.

Bedded down about the "Old One" close to the trunk of the tree, was
the entire herd, safe.

At the first hint of smoke, she had pushed the door ajar with her
muzzle and had led the horses through it. Slowly and with great
dignity, never looking back, she had led them up the hill, stepping
cautiously through the snow. The foals were frightened and dashed
about. The skittish yearlings looked back at the crackling, hungry
flames, and tucked their tails under them as they licked their lips
and hopped like rabbits. The mares that were in foal with a new
years crop of babies, pressed uneasily against the "Old One" as she
moved calmly up the hill and to safety beneath the pine. And now,
she lay among them and gazed at the faces of the old man and his
wife. Those she loved she had not disappointed. Her body was
brittle with years, tired from the climb, but the golden eyes were
filled with devotion as she offered her gift---

Because of love. Only Because of love.

Tears flowed as the old couple shouted their praise and joy... And
again the peace of love filled their hearts.

This is a true story.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-08-07T07:18:00.000-07:00

Amy,
You are an inspiration to me. Did you happen to see that your ministry made national attention on the David Letterman Show. Of course he was making fun of it but I think it's a great opportunity for people who don't have the time or money to attend seminary. I have officiated 1 wedding and 1 funeral and my ministry credentials have gotten me into 2 different prisons to minister to inmates. Keep up the good work. You are a blessing to me.

~ Forrest

Universal Life Church

2011-08-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so ... Love the people who treat you right and Pray for the ones who don't.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-08-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy-I know you have many challenges and are a shining light the way you handle things. Keep up the good work, I am proud of you!

Emily

Universal Life Church

2011-07-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough..'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry... I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone...' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger...

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-07-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

Amy Long has been such a positive force in my own Spirit Quest. I am taking this course and other writings from Amy have already been very helpful in my new ministry. Praise God for her Blessings.

Rev. Laura Nowels

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Kind Words

2011-07-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

Amy,

You are such a blessing to all that you touch. Thank you so much for your support and continue to share care and love with the world for his name sake. May God's armor of protection and grace be upon you in all good that you do.

With much blessings,

Dorothy

Universal Life Church

2011-07-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago.. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it.

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died..

He turned to me and said:

'Never save something for a special occasion.

Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

I still think those words changed my life..

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through.

I no longer keep anything.

I use crystal glasses every day....

I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.

I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to..

The words 'Someday...' and ' One Day....' are fading away from my dictionary.

If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now........

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.

I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special...

Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.

*******************************

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Kind Words

2011-07-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

Hi Amy,

Sending "nice things to say" into our emails was a Wonderful Idea!

Also~~~ long before Americans asked for a Consumer Financial Protection Agency, I was going "one on one" with a Financial Business. The Business did everything in its power to "get me out of the way". Fortunately individuals with in my State Government came to my aid, and when I became ordained, more people rushed to help a Reverend. NOW, the entire country wants to prevent these type of Businesses from ripping off its customers.

It feels really wonderful to see such great change coming to our world. But this is only the beginning Amy. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Gary Colin

The Universal Life Church offers free online ordination and online seminary courses.

Universal Life Church

2011-07-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER  OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.


1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts
tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his  tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.


4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.


5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.


6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the  dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?


7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.


8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?


9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.


10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a  car.


11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.


12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4  AM. It could be a right number.


13. No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is winning.


14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.


15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.


16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same  size bucket.


17. Upon observing young "hep" girls, do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)


18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.


19. After 50, IF you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!


20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter!

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Kind Words

2011-07-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

Amy,

Have I told you lately that you are a blessing?!! Providing these courses, being an outstanding author, a fantastic teacher, as well as helping out people like me, God is truly good.

Thank you,

Rev. George

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Universal Life Church

2011-07-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

WHY I BECAME A MINISTER

People often asked me if I became a minister because my family is FULL of them. My answer is, "No".

I became a minister because I believe there is more to "religion" than what I was taught growing up. I don't believe that the so called "Christian" way is the only way and I believe that different "civilizations" for lack of a better word, worship the same "God" in their own way; the main thing is that we are all looking for that "Spiritual" connection and it is done in different ways in different places.

I became a minister because I feel there is a need for compassion and a desire to reach out to those who have been "thrown to the wolves" from churches and so called "christian" families because their belief and/or lifestyle does not fit the "norm" of things.

I believe that a minister must have an open mind, an open heart, an open soul, and a true compassion for those who need to find their "spiritual" path and to help guide them while on their spiritual journey.

I believe the ministry has no place for ministers who are close-minded or have their own agenda for their own glory and that is why I left the "mainstream" ministry. That is why I have begun the process and work of starting Universal Fellowship, a Universal Life Church, in Baltimore, MD.

I believe in Jesus as God's son, others believe him to be a prophet who God gave supernatural powers to. I believe that God is our ultimate goal and however one gets there…of course I am not including evil in this picture because God is not evil…God is love. Sometimes he allows us to go through things to help our "character" grow, things that we all think we could do without. I know there have been many things I would have rather not gone through, but I did, and I matured one way or another. I think it all depends on how we "go through it". A wise man once told me that you determine your outcome. You can take what you are given with a grain of salt and allow that grain of salt to clean you of what you need to be cleaned of and come out "sweet smelling" and one that others will enjoy being around, or you can allow the situation to make you a bitter, angry person and ultimately cause you to be a very lonely and miserable person, it all depends on you.

I have been that bitter, anger, miserable, lonely person, and I didn't like it one bit! I asked God for guidance and help, and even though I did not like the answers I got from the people He sent me to help me through it, instead of giving up, I took it with that grain of salt, let it work its way through and I became the better person for it. Don't get me wrong, I still have days when I'm not all that sweet, but you know what? God still loves me and that's all that matters…and that's the message I have been given to share. When it comes down to it, a true minister is one who has been called by God to give a message, like the prophets of old, and my message is, no matter what you have done, who you are, or where you are, God loves you and wants you to come home. Like the father and the prodigal son!

Blessings to all,

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Universal Life Church

2011-07-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

God's Busy

0AIf you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!!

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments..
He had completed missions in Iraq and
Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and
a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in he looked to the
ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are
real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15
minutes.' The lecture room fell silent.
You could hear a pin drop.&nbs p;

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still
waiting.' It got down to the last couple
of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and
cold-cocked him, knocking him off the
platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students
were shocked, stunned, and sat there
looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken,
looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the
heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?'

   &nbs p;

The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today protecting American soldiers
who are protecting your right to say
stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me.'

THIS IS GOOD. KEEP IT GOING

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Universal Life Church

2011-06-24T08:51:00.000-07:00

God's Wife

LOOK OUT FOR THE LAST STORY....IT WILL KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was:

A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.' (This one is for each of you is a soulmate to anyone and everyone....we need you and your empathy/compassion...)

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Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted.

A little girl said, 'I know all about adoption, I was adopted..'

'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child.

'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!' (This one is for all mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and 'moms at heart'....'teachers,' need I go on?)

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On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was

'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered with a smile.

'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.'

'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face...

'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet.' (This is for all my sports-minded friends...)

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Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie

Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.

On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. 'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me.....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.' (This one is for all my fine arts people who work with children. May children NEVER be told they can be the 'pine trees' in the Christmas program....)

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An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.
A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'
'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,'was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes.

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him.. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her.

'Are you God's wife?'

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Kind Words

2011-06-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy,

Your timing is impeccable! Darn near everything is wonderful about you too!!! Praise God...Our Heavenly Father....

Love, Victoria

Universal Life Church

2011-06-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Amy,

Your timing is impeccable! Darn near everything is wonderful about you too!!! Praise God...Our Heavenly Father.... on Father's Day!

Love, Victoria

Universal Life Church

2011-06-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

THE WET PANTS

Come with me to a third grade classroom.....

There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet.

He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives!

The boy believes his heart is going to stop! He puts his head down and prays this prayer, 'Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat.'

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water.

Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, 'Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!'

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy.

The teacher gathers him up and rushes him downstairs. Then she gives him a pair of gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out.

Mean while, all the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around the boy's desk.

The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.

Susie tries to help the other kids, but they tell her to get out. "You've done enough, you klutz!"

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, 'You did that on purpose, didn't you?'

Susie whispers back to him, 'I wet my pants once too!'

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good..

Remember.....Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless us all in a way that only He can.

Keep your faith in Him and He will continually Bless you, and watch out for you!

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Kind Words

2011-06-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

If your actions inspire others to dream more,
learn more, do more and become more,
you are a leader.

John Quincy Adams
Universal Life Church

To become an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church is free and fast. At our Online Seminary, we believe in training our ministers through distant learning courses, online sermons, weddings and funeral ceremonies and a lot more. Many of these testimonials are from people who have been receiving our kind words' mailings. They're free and heartfelt. I hope you take advantage of them and sign up.

Kind Words

2011-06-12T06:57:00.000-07:00

Bereavement Counseling
Thank you Amy.

You may not realize how timely this was.

I hope to continue studies as time and funds permit. I do appreciate all of your emails. I feel fortunate to be included.

Star*

Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free, and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.We also offer many free wedding ceremonies for your use. We also offer some kind words, mailed weekly, to brighten your spirit.

Universal Life Church

2011-06-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters.... S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree.

If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously..

Please read:
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) ......she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.

Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die.... they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this...
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke... totally . He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke .

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S * Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today)
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 999/911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other , that is also an indication of a stroke.

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Universal Life Church

2011-06-03T11:32:00.000-07:00

The Farmer's Donkey....

One day a farmer's donkey fell into an abandoned well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was too old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to him to try to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. Realizing what was happening, the donkey at first cried and wailed horribly.

Then, a few shovel-fulls later, he quieted down completely. The farmer peered down into the well, and was astounded by what he saw. With every shovel-full of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up on the new layer of dirt.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off, to the shock and astonishment of everyone.

The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to stop wailing, and not let the dirt bury you, but to shake it off and take a step up. Each one of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

By the way, after he calmed down, the donkey kicked the crap out of the farmer who tried to bury him, which brings us to the second moral of this story: When you try to cover your ass, you will always get your ass kicked.

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